Focus on What You Can Control!
You are not God who can control everything. Be kind to yourself
The title above is actually the advice I got from my boss in my previous company. As a part of the tough management trainee program in a multinational company, I was really overthinking about everything. I always felt that I am not good enough, I was fearful of being judged by others. The worst thing, I can not see myself I used to see myself. It was bad and I talked to my manager, he said calmly, “Efril, there will be rain outside your home and you definitely cannot control it. What you can do is either staying at home in order not to get wet or having your own umbrella. The only thing you can control is your response”. I really cannot resonate with that advice, my mind is foggy and dark. Few months after I am no longer in that program, I really can understand what he said. It’s the best advice to face adult life, I think.
We often overthink about what will happen, what others might think about us, or so on. In life, there are always variables in control and not in control. We cannot change that fact and no one does. We are too busy to overthink the variable we can not control and often lose control of what we can control. To make it easier to understand what I aim to explain, let me illustrate this:
“Andy is in the toxic working environment. His boss is always blaming him for something that not really scientifically proven. His boss is only using his feeling to judge Andy. But actually, his boss won’t do this if Andy can give him full report weekly instead of monthly, however both Andy and his boss never really speak about this. Hence, there’s always misunderstood between them.”
If we are on Andy side, instead of thinking about what he can’t control which is his boss's emotion, Andy actually can focus on what he can control which is talking to his boss and ask about his concern. I personally always use this approach in my work. I learn not to assume and overthink in the things that I cannot control, I choose to ask. After I asking, there will be an expectation that might be my boss will tell me. Then I will tell my boss which expectation that within my control on which one is not. The aligning expectation is key in order to focus on what you can control.
Outside the working environment, might be we will face another tough situation with our friends or family. Whatever it is, learn to focus on what you can control. The things that you can control is your action and response. You can tell what people think or what people do. You are out of control what people actions, they do they and you do you. With this kind of framework, I can manage my energy and focus on things that I can control. It was not easy especially I am a feeling person. I remember when I cried when I woke up in the morning and I felt that I can not face my day.. I was super sad and overwhelmed.. I think about everything and making too many scenarios in my head. After a break and working in a new situation, I can think clearly and shifting my energy to the things that I can control and I can bluntly say if there’s any expectation towards me that out of my control.
What I learned from my 1st year of career life is to focus more on the things I can control, never assume, and clarify. The world is not revolving around you.. don’t assume people will understand what you want. You are not the center of the world, so don’t act be the one.. and last but not least, life is only once. Be happy! ;)
