I am No Longer Controlled By Fear

When I was younger, I am a fixed-minded person. I am controlled by fear of making mistake, it leads me to always avoid failure. Unfortunately, failure is not something that we can ignore. It’s an inevitable process that we can’t avoid when are living life.

Back then, when I experience failure, it will make me feel like I am a failure. I always worshipping the perfect GPA. My self-identity is highly associated with the achievement that I got. And it wasn’t healthy, especially my mental health. In the first year of my career, I joined a reputable and most wanted management trainee of a top multinational company. I still recall the moment when I got an offer after days of exhausting the selection process plus 6 months internship that I took before I joined. After a year, I face my second real failure in life. The first was when I failed to get into my dream university, and yeah the second when I failed to survive to pursue the position that I wanted in my dream company. Reality slapped my face, it was harder than before.

I was that person, who has the biggest fear to fail, and yeah I failed. It was hard, I took weeks off from my job, got a holiday, finished the books that I had no chance to finish when I worked. I took a moment to cope up with my failure. After weeks at home, I began to think that failure isn’t that bad. I looked in the mirror, I realized that nothing changed in me. It was like my world was ended, but it wasn’t. It was just a moment, a process that I had to face because my expectation didn’t align with reality.

I learned so much from the ugly reality that I faced. I felt like it was reborn for me. Now, two years later.. I am a different person. I am bold, confident to face another failure in life. I grow my mindset, reset it from fixed-minded to the growth-minded one. I am no longer controlled by fear (of failure).